On An Almost-Relationship

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After years went by, I finally had that day when you knocked the door and opened up my heart, tearing down my arrogance.  You undressed my soul. I was naked as the walls I had built around me destroyed in a minute you came in.

With all you imperfections and dark sides, you came to my rescue, making me believe that there’s still hope left for the broken soul. That hope would be the guiding light to the endless nights. You accepted my flaws and appreciated my works and arts. You encouraged me in my pursuit.

You came to my life unexpectedly, without me knowing why or how. I remember your warm smile, your voice, your laughter. Days were filled with your texts and nights were best spent with our after-office-until-4-AM conversations on the phone. You drove me home amongst the city lights. We were secretly stealing glances.

We talked about my projects and your fast-paced life in advertising. We talked about our dreams, our pasts, our parents, the brand new viral campaign, our spiritual journey, our brokenness, your band, my writings and books unread, our fears, our hidden selves, your past relationship, my illness, our demons. We talked about us enjoying our days together. We talked like crazy. We talked like smart asses.

We are not saints. We are not perfect, but seeing our imperfection as sinners enable us to cherish each and every moment in our togetherness, to be a good companion covering up each other’s weaknesses. Those weeks shared with you kept me sane from the hustle bustle life in Jakarta. They were memories reminisced during my evening tea time.

After weeks went by, I finally had that day when you’re gone, leaving thousands of questions remained unsolved. I learned to no longer wear the scars you brought into my heart. To be totally okay with bitterness. To keep smiling with red lipstick. To respect my heart and appreciate your presence as a part of my past. To continue enjoying my playlist and dance like there’s no tomorrow. To live my life better. To figure out that an almost-relationship is just like another relationship that may, or may not, need a closure.

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